My story.

[Sarah_84 Admin]

I recently went through the tragedy of discovering that our long awaited baby was ectopic. It's not something that you can just get over easily, I still think about how far along I'd be now (17 weeks) and all the things that I'm missing out on such as feeling the baby move and my gender scan that would have been coming up soon. I found that making a memory chest really helped me to grieve. I put everything in it from my first really faint pregnancy test, the other tests that I took after to double check that I was really pregnant (it took a while to sink in!), all the cards that my friends and family gave me, the baby book that I had started and all the sympathy cards and hospital records from when I had the surgery. If I'm feeling really down, I'll just go in and look through everything and have a good cry.

I found that the hardest part to deal with was the fact that I knew my baby was still alive and there was nothing that I could do to save it, my tube had ruptured and I was bleeding internally. This is something that I'm just going to have to learn to deal with. I was reassured by the hospital that the baby would not have survived much longer and that I would have died if I didn't have the op but that still didn't make it easier. I felt completely helpless. The only time I stopped crying that day was when they put me under, it was the best sleep I had ever had. I was released from hospital the next day around lunch time. For weeks I could feel myself sinking into a black hole of depression but I decided I was going to try and fight it and I am still doing that. It's hard but I keep telling myself that there was a reason behind this even if I can't understand it. From this surgery they found out that I had pretty severe endometriosis so I'm making myself believe that finding that out was the reason behind mine (I wish there was a less cruel way of discovering it). I'm not trying to tell anyone not to go on anti-depressants. If you are depressed, go see your doctor because they can really help. I decided not to go on them because I have been on them before and knew that I had the strength in me to fight it.

Everyday I get stronger and learn new ways to cope with my loss and I know that I will have my baby soon but I'm learning fast that it will be in Gods time. For now it's on to a new cycle with renewed hope! Please feel free to join us and start posting. Everybody is welcome and the more people, the more support to share around. Take care! xoxoxoxo

[Xanthe]

I cant imagine what a horrible experience that must've been for you Sarah. You are incredibly strong to endure all that and come out the other end.

[Sarah_84 Admin]

Thank you!